Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Results of my ultrasound... and other stuff

A photo I took this weekend "Washed away dreams"
Well I never did update after the ultrasound, mostly because I was so disappointed, angry, upset... you name it.  The appointment did not go as well as I hoped and the doctor was sort of a preoccupied douche. So. He's not typically like that, so I don't know what's going on.

Anyways, he did the ultrasound, which lasted a whole 3 minutes and simply pulled out the wand and said, "I don't see anything, you'll just have to try again next month."


He did ask me when I took the Clomid and was very surprised when I told him I had a very positive OPK on CD 13 and 14. According to that, I SHOULD have ovulated. The whole appointment was spent with him being completely distracted on his phone and looking distraught. He answered 3 text messages while I was in his office. I didn't feel I could even ask him the questions that I had. Some being about my health and if he would suggest early screenings for breast cancer.

I ended up crawling back into my hole and upset about the whole thing. Why does my body have be so freaking messed up and stupid? I'm on a fertility medication that is supposed to induce ovulation and my typically late ovulating body just decides not to ovulate at all? F'ed up. If my body was a person and was my friend... I'd get rid of it. I hate my body with an undying passion. HATE IT.

I got somewhat positive OPKs about a week later, but I'm not sure if they are true positives. My CM is all screwed up, so I can't go by that either, and my cervix just seems open all the time and I don't find that to be a reliable source either. To top it off, DH didn't want to BD on Monday so we broke our every other day ritual and the next time we will even have a chance to BD will be on Thursday, which leave 4 days between the last time we did. UGH. I really hope I did ovulate, I hate that I could potentially be throwing this cycle down the drain because of our stupid cycles. Not to mention, August 1st is coming up quickly and I am just dreading the day. \

Otherwise, this past Saturday really couldn't have been better. I got a mani/pedi for 9 dollars and this awesome nail treatment for an extra 10$. It is a gel polish that won't chip or peel. I was skeptible at first, but here I am, 4 days later and they look just as good as when I first got them done. I'm sold. Nail poslish never stays on!

After the mani/pedi I met some new mothers and then we headed out to eat dinner some place new. We landed ourselves at a Thai restaurant that served very yummy peanut chicken with broccoli and carrots. Served with a warm bowl of white rice.

If the evening couldn't get any better, we headed out to the beach. Spending the evening on the beach is heaven. It isn't so hot out that you're melting and there are far less people on the shore as well. I was able to get a bunch of wonderful pictures and we all enjoyed an evening outside. I really needed a weekend like this. Especially after the not so great news on Tuesday. It was so nice to reconnect with my family and to spend some time together. Lately I have been so stuck in this dark place that I forget to look around and see all the great things in my life.


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