Sunday, April 24, 2011

A wonderful Easter weekend

This weekend was wonderful!

On Friday the DH and I both got massages. After my trigger point injections I figured the massage would help in loosing up the muscles so I can gain some relief. The massage was SO painful. I didn't realize how much my back hurt and how much of my back actually hurt. A gentle touch created shooting pains through out the muscles. They affect past the middle of my back and almost into my lower. All of the muscles are extremely tight. The therapist was actually surprised at how much pain I was in with regards to the pressure he was applying. He was barely even touching me and I was shouting at him that it was just too much (he did back off). The entire hour was spent working just on my neck and back. He probably could have done it longer. I've been sore all weekend, but I think it's going to help long run. I'm going back next week and I'm dropping the Chiropractor.

The drive up was decent and we didn't have a screaming baby. We timed it just right and A slept the entire way. Thank goodness. We got home around 6:30ish, dropped the dog off, got groceries and headed to the BIL's house. I'm so glad we stayed with him this time around. It's nice to spend time with DH's family too. MIL came over and she got to see A and we all got to chit chat. I found some surprising news about BIL's ex-wife. Let's just say that the ex-SIL is not a good person and she does not have good character. So sad.

A slept like garbage that night and did not good sleeping with all of us on the air mattress. I had planned to go to the Great Diaper Change event but we didn't get any sleep. I needed A to get SOME so she would be in an okay mood at Easter lunch with DH's family. Family events come first. I really hate that I didn't get to be apart of it.

Easter Lunch was great. We got all of the in-laws together and A got to see the entire family. The only person that was missing was her Step-Grandma S. Her Great-Grandma L got to see her in what seems like months and she burst into tears at the sight of her. I'm so glad that we can help make sure that A is apart of her life. I really need to get around to printing and sending her pictures!

Easter Sunday was spent with my family. We hit the pool and just hung out at my dad's house. We again, timed it right, and got to driving as soon as A would fall asleep. We ran her batteries down to empty! We stopped to eat before we hit the road for good and she could barely hold her head up.

A is really starting to show her personality. She is funny, sassy, and just so personable and friendly. She really is a character. Some of the faces that she makes just has me in stitches. She had an awesome weekend with the family (on both sides) and didn't scream or freak out when anybody went to hold her, we're making progress! I'm so glad too. I always worry that her mood will hurt people's feelings (like my dad's, when she chooses not to go to him :().

4 weeks until our VACATION!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Updated Orthopedic Appointment

So, at my appointment today she said to discontinue chiropractic care and

she went ahead and gave me two trigger point injections. She put some type of medicine in addition to what is usually in the injections. She said that my muscles were hard as rocks, "quite impressive," was the term she used. She compared them to what Arnold Schwarzenegger's would feel like, but mine of course isn't good. The trigger point injections should start working in about two days. She also gave me a new prescription for an anti inflammatory/pain killer, and something else to take before bed so I can get good solid sleep (my husband has been telling me that I'm frequently waking up in pain and complaining about it.

The doctor is also having a cervical decompressor thing ordered for me. I'm not sure what it is, but I guess I wear it and then pump it to stretch my spine out. She thinks that it might help since nothing else is. The rep for the company is going to call and I'll meet her somewhere so she can show me how to use it.

I'm really not sure what else I can do. My back/shoulders are super sore now from the injections. I'm also getting a massage tomorrow as well. I have a membership to massage envy and I have extra massages so I'm going to try and go every week to every other week. Maybe it will help? I'm also doing stretching exercises at home.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Orthopedic appointment today

Things are not going well. I'm getting migraines more and more frequently. About one every other day. Sometimes back to back. But on average, about 2 - 3 a week and they make me miserable. I'm loosing range of motion in my neck as well. Where it wasn't painful to turn or twist in certain directions, it is now. This sucks. I hate this. I wish it would just stop.

The constant 24/7 pain is weighing on me. I'm miserable, I'm grumpy, I'm moody. I'm not sure how my husband puts up with me. At my appointment with the chiropractor on 4/13 I broke down in tears because the pain is just getting to be unbearable. I sat there and cried out of frustration, how embarrassing. I feel so helpless.

My appointment with the ortho today. I'm going to, again, mention the pain. I'm not sure what else they can do. Apparently I'm not a candidate for surgery because my neck isn't injured "bad enough." The chiropractor mentioned epidural injections, I've read about steroid or cortisone injections as well. I'm not sure what she'll suggest.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


I want the quiet that must be found at the bottom of the ocean, in the depths of the forest, and in the darkness of a cave. I need peace.

I need my mind to turn off, just for a little while so I can regain me.

I'm going north this weekend to get my mom and to welcome a family into the city. My parenting community has graciously raised enough money to fund a vacation for them. Their son has brain cancer that can not be fixed or cured. He doesn't have much time. I hope they enjoy what we have provided for them and that they are able to make the memories that they need. Bless them.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Dear world,

Fuck you.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

...had a bad day again..

Seriously FML.

I couldn't find my keys.
I'm wearing brown shoes with a gray dress.
My debit card got declined.
I called DH 20 times and he didn't pick up, until the very last time...
Temperature drop, AF should be here tomorrow.
Construction kept me up all. night. long.
We got an offer to rent a duplex, but, our 60 day notice period for the apartment has passed. That means, we probably won't be able to get out of here. I so desperately want a yard.
Pregnancy dreams are just cruel.
I met somebody yesterday who thought it was a great idea to tell me her TWO beautiful children were oopses and how she hates staying at home with them.
Lots of surprise BFPs. All of which, aren't ever my own.

Ugg, I don't know what's wrong with me. My head is so not in a good place. I feel so down and emotional and like if somebody said the wrong thing to me right now, they'd be in a path of waterworks. I've been holding back the tears since I got up this morning. I can't even put into words what I'm thinking, I don't know how to process it all. I feel broken, angry, and worthless. I just want to crawl into a hole and wait. Wait until this all passes.

The Story - Brandi Carlile, sung by Sara Ramirez

These particular lyrics stood out to me:

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No they don't know who I really am
They don't know what I've been through
Like you do, and I was made for you

There is so much people don't know about me. SO much.